Here I sit, alone, in the dark, listening to the rain beat the roof of the RV while I sip my morning mocha coffee and write to you. I write to you almost daily. I think about what I’m going to write and tell you all the time. Everything I see, feel, think about, do, contemplate, love, fear, desire, want and wish for – all shared with you, here. This is an invitation to share my life and a window into my world. I want to tell you how happy we are, how much we love living on the road, how many great opportunities we have to explore, the great people we meet, the wonderful things we see and all the fun we’re having on our adventure. Sometimes though, I just want to know you hear me.
This is my love letter to you, my deepest desires and my worst fears in print. For you. I love you and I want you actively in my world. Is there room for me in yours?
** I wrote this awhile ago. It’s been sitting in my drafts because I was afraid to publish it. I didn’t want to offend anyone, to worry anyone or to put myself out there so completely. I also felt like it needed, deserved, an explanation. At the moment the hurt was too raw to put it into words though. I’ve had time to stew on it and swish it around in my head and now I think, hope, I have a better grasp on it.
My wonderful, insightful friend Linda said, “Don’t be sad it’s over, be happy that it happened at all.” I am working to put those words of truth in place in my life. Mainly in regards to the relationships, friendships, bonds we’ve made and treasured along our journeys. We’ve lived lots of places, made lots of friends, we have family spread out across the states and now we have internet friends that we love and care for deeply even though we’ve never met. But sometimes, ok frankly a lot of times, when you put distance or time between you or your situations or living conditions become different, it’s over. The friendship dwindles and over time it’s only a memory. A good memory but just a memory all the same. I’ve been stuck in the “sad that it’s over” stage. I’ve been mourning the loss. There are some great people from my past that I love and adore completely but they no longer have room for me. That is OK. I realize and embrace that now. I treasure the time we had, the memories I get to keep always and I’m happy it happened at all. For those of you with room left – I will continue to write my love letters to you and treasure our time together, however long that may be!
With much love!!