Rant…

You ever have one of those days when you’re just in a foul mood for no real reason? Everything just sucks…you’re pissed and can’t pinpoint a reason or an event to cause it? Well, you guessed it…that was the majority of my day yesterday. I was cranky…OK, let’s be honest…I was extremely moody and Bitchy. Chris, bless his heart tried everything in his power to snap me out of it but it was just one of those times I just couldn’t shake it and I’m ashamed to admit I let it ruin the majority of the day.

What set it off?? So glad you asked!!

I got up extremely early, 8am, since I went to bed so early with my tummy ache, but Chris is still on our overnight schedule which he should be.  Not a big deal until I’d been up for over 4 hours waiting for him to wake up… By that time the funk had set fully in.

Why? Well to start with I was locked in the rig and extremely bored. Locked in the rig?? Yep! I’m unable to get the damn door open once it’s been locked for the night because we have it jimmy rigged together. Why? Because the rig is so old we’ve yet to find a replacement handle to repair it, none of the new ones match up to the existing holes in the door. So yes, every time I want to go in or out of the rig I must have Chris pry the lock to open the door. So as I wait, patiently, for Sleeping Beauty to wake up I start thinking of all the chores I could be getting done – outside. You know like the 4 loads of laundry waiting in the hallway or the trash that needed to be taken out or the jugs of water that needed to be filled…all those little things take time and I had plenty of it but couldn’t get out of the bleeping rig!! Frustrating. Infuriating.

I went to the bedroom to pull out a change of clothes since we can’t seem to regulate the temp in the rig, another frustration for me. As the weather is starting to turn we are alternating between the AC and the fan on the AC but if we keep the AC on too long it freezes up. And then when we ‘thaw’ it with the fan it usually causes it to rain, drip, pour nasty water into the rig from one of 3 areas on the AC unit. So it’s always a nice game to figure out which hole to put the bucket/garbage can under to catch as much of the water as possible. Anywho, I go to the bedroom to find a sweater or something and discover that Dickie at some point before I went to bed with my tummy ache had puked all over my side of the bed and I had the pleasure of sleeping with it all night. And now we have yet another sheet to add to the growing laundry because he had already soiled the first one in the same way earlier in the week.

You may be wondering where Chris was sleeping…well he’s on the couch of course. Thankfully he didn’t come to bed with Dickie’s present waiting there. The bed is simply too small for both of us grown adults to sleep comfortably together throughout the night. We have tried everything but it’s just to small and boxed in. Usually we sleep 3-4 hours together before I vacate the bed and stretch out on the couch. This time with my tummy ache he opted for the couch instead.

With Chris on the couch I have to be very quiet as to not wake him. It’s hard enough to keep Dickie quiet, he is very VERY vocal when he wants to be which is a lot of the time, especially when he isn’t getting his way. Just like any other spoiled child! So getting anything done inside is out of the question too. I can sit. Play on the computer. Or read my book. That’s it. I must be very careful while refilling my coffee or going to the potty because of the door squeak. I can’t do dishes, I can’t make anything to eat, I can’t clean up, I can’t watch TV or a movie. Just sit and let the funk sink deeper in.

I was so ready for a shower but alas that wasn’t a possibility either. For one we don’t have running water so showering here isn’t an option and then there’s the whole locked in problem so I can’t get to the bath house. So now on top of everything I feel dirty, gross, nasty and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it! Grrrr.

I go back to my laptop and try to distract myself. I’m fighting like hell to keep this foul mood away. And the last straw was something so simple but that’s usually how it is with last straws isn’t it?? I broke a nail. Sounds stupid I know. I have ‘fixed’ this nail at least a dozen times or so it feels like and it breaks again!! I give!!

It was then that I realized I hated this. But I thought how can I love and hate something at the same time? I’m deep in thought and my bad mood at this point and Mr Man wakes up. Poor thing. He didn’t even have a chance….

He tried everything to cheer me up. Offered to take me anywhere I wanted to go. To cook for me. To do the chores. To go to the showers. Anything to make me feel better and to help me snap out of it.

I finally gave in and went to the showers but even standing under the hot water, wishing it to wash my doom and gloom away, wanting to be happy again, the cloud over my head just wasn’t budging. Back at the rig I’m getting dressed, knowing we have to go to town for groceries at least, and I go through 4 different outfits because now I’m having a Fat Day. Nothing fits right, my jeans are too loose but that doesn’t lighten my mood it just frustrates me even further. Nothing looks right and I have to wear my new sneakers to break them in so a sundress is out of the question. I finally decide the last attempt is good enough and go out to pick up my package with my pedometer in it and get quarters for the laundry from the office. But no one answers!! I knock and knock but no one is home…. Auugghhhh. Why does everything have to be such a fight??

I go back to the rig where Chris is cleaning the windows of the car before we head into town. I go back inside to change my blouse, again. When I come out a new workamper was making her way to the dumpster with a little bag of trash. She stopped to say how adorable our little car was and that she bet it was a ton of fun to drive through the mountains. Instantly I was myself again. Chatting with her about all the fabulous drives we’ve taken in the Miatas, some of the quirks about Amazon (they start working this week, it’s their first time and she’s more than a little nervous about it), the benefit of having broken in shoes, New Balance shoes and the online prices vs in the store…. We are chatting for a while and her hubby wanders up teasing her about how long it takes to take out the trash. We chat awhile longer, say our good-byes and then we jump in the car to head to town.

As we’re getting on the highway I turn to Chris and tell him that is exactly what I needed. He looks a bit puzzled and then smiles. Of course I needed to talk with a stranger to feel better… He knows me. I confessed that I had been hating everything about this all morning but after chatting with the nice couple it dawned on me that it isn’t the life I was hating or Amazon or workamping or Kansas or anything else but the rig. I could list off all the things wrong with the rig but what’s the point?? We have no other options until we’re done here and can go shopping for a new one. We have dealt with it for over 4 months now and we only have another 12 weeks to go with Amazon. Well over halfway there!!

My mood slowly but surely returned to my normal happy-go-lucky self. We had a nice late lunch at the only restaurant recommended in town, Sir Vons, and then headed to all the grocery stores for our weekly shopping. Once home I was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster and the running so Chris lovingly tucked me in for a nap. A few hours later I woke refreshed and ready to tackle the chores in a very Get Er Done fashion. Chris loaded up all the laundry (4 full loads) and I tackled the inside of the rig. I made us a snack and we started watching the series Castle between flipping the laundry, folding and putting it away. I think we squeezed in 6 episodes from the first season last night. We like it a lot!! Very cute and funny with great characters!! Give it a try if you aren’t addicted already.

I must admit that I nearly deleted this letter to you a dozen times while writing it. I’m over my funk now so it seemed a little dark and unproductive to replay a bad day. But it’s what happened, it’s how I felt, it’s how I saw it and then how I got through it. Just because we’re out here living our dream doesn’t mean everything is perfect. We still have problems, issues, dilemmas, troubles, worries, concerns and anxieties. To only put the fabulousness of life out there seems like a lie. Everyday is not fabulous and full of adventure. Not everyday is full of butterflies and rainbows. It’s not a never-ending vacation. It’s still real life, just a different version.

As I went to bed this morning I counted my blessings until I fell peacefully asleep just like I do every day. I woke up feeling refreshed, happy and relaxed. I’m enjoying my down time while Chris sleeps in, sipping my coffee, writing to you and thanking my lucky stars it’s a brand new day.

With much love

Mrs Madcap

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10 thoughts on “Rant…

  1. Those are the better stories because they require more thought and thus depth to present them in perspective.. Whew lot o’words to say that 🙂

  2. You must feel a sense of relief to get it off your chest. Yes, no matter where we are in life…me pounding the 9 5 while hubbie home retired thinking I want to drop the paycheck to full-time to doing it like you and having one of those “yucky” days…goota keep our chins up, dig for what really matters, smile when we can, and LOVE that soulmate more than ever…I sure give mine a hugfull :O)

    • I do feel much better getting it all out there…clearing the air… I dread those ‘yucky’ days but when they come I just trudge through and am even more grateful when I come out on the other side.
      As for my soulmate I couldn’t agree more. Everyday he amazes me in some way and sometimes it’s like he knows me better than I know myself. The bond is beyond words. A true treasure!!

  3. Madcap, I must admit I laughed when I read about your horrible day — because I have had those days… hated myself for them, but was relieved to see that I am not the only one. 🙂

    I will be so happy I’ll probably turn cartwheels for you when you get the new rig. I think you are a real trouper for keeping a decent attitude toward the problems so far, but I’m surprised it took you this long to finally have to vent!

    Glad you are back in balance again. Hugs!!!! 🙂

    • I’m glad you could relate!! I know we all have them… I was once told your strength can be measured in your bounce back time. Mine is getting shorter and shorter and I consider that a small victory!!
      We can do cartwheels together!! And probably sing and dance too!!
      Sometimes I can’t even imagine what it’d be like…but I do like to try!!
      Hugs!! 🙂

  4. You go girl. You know it’s healthy to let it all go.

    Glad you figured out it’s your “home” that’s the final cause of all the stress. I still don’t see how you do it!!

    I bow down to you for being able to live like you do and still keep a good sense of humor and keep up with gratitude for the good things in your life.

    The countdown is underway!

    Thanks for sharing with us. I’ve done it too. Sometimes you just snap when it all seems to hit you at once.

    Susan
    http://travelbug-susan.blogspot.com

    • Honestly sometimes I don’t know how we do it either and other times it’s just our norm and I don’t think twice about it. Because truly we know to other way…
      We think of it like the very first place of our own…just starting out…our tiny little 3rd floor apartment. It definitely had it’s quirks; the neighbors with their polka music, the laundry outside, the dishwasher that did everything but wash dishes and the litter box in the bathroom so Dickie could poo every time one of us showered… But we think back on it fondly, not with a cringe. I imagine our first RV home will be the same way…just different quirks!!
      And now that we’ve experienced life without some of the given Western modern conveniences we are even more grateful and mindful when we do have them.
      Big HUGS Miss Susan!!

  5. I try my hardest to keep a positive attitude but occasionally I have times like this too. I’ve discovered that when I’m hungry or short on sleep it lowers the threshold for having a bad day. Not getting outside enough for prolonged periods of time will do it too. We all have our triggers I guess, at least yours makes perfect sense! Just think, every day of work gets you that much closer to a new rig. 🙂 I have some work to do on mine as well, need new hoses for my fresh water tank, one thing at a time.

    Also, I pulled into Big Chief today! I’m in site D1 over by the bath house. I know you two will be working until Thursday which is my first day of orientation, but if you have extra time feel free to stop over and say hi!

    • We went to stop by the other day but you must have went to town… Sorry we missed you!! We’ll try again soon!! Can’t wait to meet and make friends!! So exciting!! 😀

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