The End is Near

Last night I ran my butt off. Well as fast as these bloody stumps would take me at least. And by the end of the night I was hobbling around like the broken elf I am. Coming to the harsh realization that even with all the time off I had last week my feet have not healed enough…well…I now share your fears that I’m doing damage. After admitting that to myself I had to swallow a lot of pride and my ego and in the end forfeit the fight. I went to HR to see if there was any way without their doctors form I could switch jobs. A solid – NO. The HR Manager did suggest as a final last-ditch effort that I contact my doctor ‘back home’ to have them fill out the form for me. I haven’t regularly seen a doctor in many many years but I do have a couple of docs I can call tomorrow just to see. I’m not holding my breath though. If not I’ll be ending my short-lived career with Amazon tomorrow.

Thanks for sticking it out with me.

I think the emotional fight has been just as hard as the physical pain. I’ve never really taken to being told ‘NO’. Chris and my parents can attest to the understatement of that first hand… But when it’s my own body telling me NO when my head and heart are screaming YES…that’s a different beast all together. I want to work at Amazon. I want to be a picker. But I simply cannot. This is the first time that I have been denied something I really want because of my weight. I have yo-yo dieted so many times… The last time I was so close to goal too… But alas I find myself right back where I started. It pisses me off!! It makes me sad… I wish at this point I could say that it gives me the determination to fight the good fight and end this reign of obesity once and for all. But I can’t. I’m not sure I can lose the weight…I’ve tried so many times in so many ways… Nothing seems to work in real life after the ‘diet’.

Regardless…I’ll be fine. I’ll settle back into the housewife role that I love dearly until the next job is ready for us!! I know Chris won’t mind a little home cookin and not having to spend time at the laundry!!

With much Love

Mrs Madcap

 

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12 thoughts on “The End is Near

  1. Walking is good, but it appears this was a clear case of too much too quickly. And the job won’t let you cut back. Hope you find the doc to sign the note without handing over all your money, that would be a way forward, not the only one, but a nice one I suppose. Hang in there!

  2. I’m so glad you decided to give it up…I was really scared for you. Your feet are the major support for all things “YOU”!! They can replace knees, hips, etc. but not your feet! New doors are going to open…and I hope big and better in all ways! I’m sending a virtual hug your way! You’ve sure had a rough ride. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • I need those hugs tonight. It’s not an easy thing to accept but I’ll get over it… In due time. Now to prepare for those bigger better opportunities!! 🙂

  3. {{{hugs}}} from here too! You’ve tried and tried and that’s all you can do. I’m inspired by how much you have given! Take care of yourself now and new opportunities will come along.

  4. Boo! I love you1 You have worked so hard and tried so so hard, we all know you wanted this so bad but some things are just not meant to be. Tomorrow I will be getting my cards out for you and will email you as soon as I’m done, I think it will be just what you need…at least it’s a start! Take care of those tootsies and yourself, it’ll get better. There’s something out there better for you and maybe it’s just taking this to stop you from missing it! Love you Kitty

  5. Kristi, I know how badly it hurts to have to give up something you’ve committed to. I was going to hike the Appalachian Trail start to finish. It was the biggest dream of my life. But by 50 miles my body told me to get off that mountain or I was going to die. I knew it was true. I bawled for days.

    But I survived and moved on, and you will, too. Learning that we have limits is a painful lesson, but sometimes we gotta listen.

    You are NOT a failure. You are a hero for attempting it in the first place! And being a housewife will be fun for a while! Just don’t EVEN feel guilty!!!

    • I appreciate your honesty. It helps to know I’m not alone. At this moment it does feel like failure though. Hopefully it’ll pass once I fully accept it. A little down time while we figure out our next move isn’t such a bad thing…right??
      XOXO

  6. Your poor tootsies. Take care of yourself and your aching feet. I know that you will do well at your next endeavor, wherever and whatever you decide to do. And your feet are thanking you.

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