I didn’t expect the response I received from my last post… I don’t know what I was expecting but to feel better wasn’t it.
Everything is happening so fast. Change. Changes we did want and changes we didn’t. Reality was knocking on the door but we ignored it. Until the knocking became a thud became a bang and resulted in the door coming crashing down. Time to face facts and I wasn’t ready. Didn’t want to admit what was obvious in front of my face. Sometimes when you ignore a problem it goes away, right? Not so much. It usually just gets bigger…
So, what changes are happening? Oh, where to begin….
First thing is there’s no trip home for Christmas. It makes me so sad…I was so excited to see everyone… But when you ignore one problem it can bleed over. How so?? Well, Big Red is still sick. We’ve been avoiding the issue. She was fine, well sometimes at least. Now she’s not so fine, she’s hacking and wheezing with a high fever. She needs help. Thankfully Chris found some new info online that sounds like an answer to the virus Red has. The weather should be good on Friday for us to give it a try. Since she can’t get in to see the doctor until after Christmas it can’t hurt to give it a go ourselves just once more. But not in time to save our Christmas plans. So, Chris and I will be here in Kansas celebrating on our own, paying quite the price for burying our heads in the sand and avoiding our reality.
I’ve been avoiding a reality too. I know I’ve said I’ve been having some tummy aches. The last couple were really close together and really bad. They scared me. So instead of brushing it off like I have been for over a year I did some research. I do love research but this was not fun. The conclusion from my symptoms, which matched eerily to a tee, and family/personal history the self diagnosis is gallstones. But I can’t go to a doctor…who knows how many tests they’d want to do to confirm it. And then what? Surgery? Without health insurance none of that is an option. So, I watch everything I eat and pray I don’t get anymore tummy aches or a blockage God forbid. All the while trying to accept that I’ve done this to myself…not so easy.
Next? Well, our life in an RV is coming to an end. We’re making preparations to accept a position in San Antonio. We’ll be moving into an apartment and officially hanging up our keys. I’m holding onto the hope that we’ll get back on the road at some point but really only time will tell. As hard of a decision as it’s been to make I believe in my heart it’s a good thing for us. Our adventure thus far hasn’t been what we thought it would, it hasn’t been the picture in our heads or the dream in our hearts. We weren’t prepared. Snowball just ain’t what we signed up for. We have learned a lot, dos and don’ts, that when we feel the itch to hit the road again we’ll know exactly what to do to be prepared to actually fulfill the dream instead of chase it. We have struggled for so long I just don’t have it in me to push any further. Sometimes you just gotta know when to fold ’em.
So, that’s it. That’s the scoop. That’s the hard truth. That’s us hitting the brick wall of reality and folding. Change is happening, like it or lump it. I guess it’s time for me to stop lumping it and get on with liking it. Well, maybe not liking it but accepting it is a step in the right direction at least…
I hope to start feeling more like myself again soon. I miss the fun happy me…
With Much Love